Gigyimjad is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unthinking walrus.

Gigyimjad created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Gigyimjad, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gigyimjad, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Gigyimjad's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Gigyimjad's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Run away if six aardvarks approach from the west.

3. Never wear yellow shorts.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Never feed nuts to mites while wearing shirts.