Vonyatcam Bignurtlig is a god.
He takes the form of a chunky, unsympathetic
elephant.
Vonyatcam Bignurtlig created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.
If you believe in
Vonyatcam Bignurtlig, he will ignore you.
If you do not believe in
Vonyatcam Bignurtlig, he will refuse to believe in you.
Vonyatcam Bignurtlig's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.
Vonyatcam Bignurtlig's Holy Commandments1. Never eat bark.
2. Pray towards the east.
3. Do not fashion models of living things.
4. Never eat green fruit.
5. Put Vonyatcam Bignurtlig first in all things.