Ontominjen is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, self-confident crane.

Ontominjen created the Sol system eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontominjen, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Ontominjen, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ontominjen's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Ontominjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

2. Do not shave your back.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. You must pray to Ontominjen three times a day.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.