Larncinken is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, happy tortoise.

Larncinken created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Larncinken, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Larncinken, he will turn you into a plant.

Larncinken's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Larncinken's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

4. Always help swans.

5. Never pour water over plants.