Larpkinbif Fityarlnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, intelligent swallow.

Larpkinbif Fityarlnurl created the Virgo Supercluster four billion years ago.

If you believe in Larpkinbif Fityarlnurl, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Larpkinbif Fityarlnurl, he will turn you into a rock.

Larpkinbif Fityarlnurl's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Larpkinbif Fityarlnurl's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat rice.

2. Otters are not to be trusted.

3. You must pray to Larpkinbif Fityarlnurl seven times a day.

4. Never feed lentils to tapirs while wearing stockings.

5. Respect your elders.