Ragtettileg Gamlikpib is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, sage parrot.

Ragtettileg Gamlikpib created the planet Venus eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ragtettileg Gamlikpib, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ragtettileg Gamlikpib, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ragtettileg Gamlikpib's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Ragtettileg Gamlikpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Always help turtles.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Never eat green fruit.