Yarvintompas is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, humorless warg.

Yarvintompas created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarvintompas, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarvintompas, he will turn you into a rock.

Yarvintompas' most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Yarvintompas' Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lentils.

2. Never paint your neck cyan.

3. Put Yarvintompas first in all things.

4. Feed all hungry foxes.

5. Hide if four whales approach from the east.