Quamtantonk is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, self-assured fox.

Quamtantonk created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Quamtantonk, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quamtantonk, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quamtantonk's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Quamtantonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Hide if six manatees approach from the north.

3. Never write about photosynthesis.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Pray towards the east.