Gilvedkim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, loving donkey.

Gilvedkim created a top quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Gilvedkim, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gilvedkim, he will turn you into a goat.

Gilvedkim's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Gilvedkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Gilvedkim loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near moths while wearing mauve stockings and balancing nine copper spheres on your face.

5. Never talk about nucleic acids.