Tomceplarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, wise armadillo.

Tomceplarn created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tomceplarn, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tomceplarn, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tomceplarn's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tomceplarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Tomceplarn loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not speak about nuts.