Lakgamvab is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unselfish jaguar.

Lakgamvab created an electron nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lakgamvab, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lakgamvab, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lakgamvab's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Lakgamvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear purple skirts.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Always wear black.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not drink water in brown rooms.