Fidkartarg Larpsawtarp is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, quiet tortoise.

Fidkartarg Larpsawtarp created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fidkartarg Larpsawtarp, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fidkartarg Larpsawtarp, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Fidkartarg Larpsawtarp's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Fidkartarg Larpsawtarp's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat pineapples.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

3. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never talk about gravity near badgers while wearing fawn shirts.