Vonmetfemcedstiphub is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, charitable mole.

Vonmetfemcedstiphub created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonmetfemcedstiphub, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonmetfemcedstiphub, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Vonmetfemcedstiphub's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Vonmetfemcedstiphub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Never talk about nebulae.

4. You must pray to Vonmetfemcedstiphub seven times a day.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.