Gesscimflab is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, blissful unicorn.

Gesscimflab created dark matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesscimflab, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gesscimflab, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Gesscimflab's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Gesscimflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near capybaras while wearing green stockings and balancing seven carbon spheres on your legs.

2. You must love Gesscimflab.

3. Hide from red snakes for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not shave your feet.