Bellmatcat Bonflabnakzodyampid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, blissful clam.

Bellmatcat Bonflabnakzodyampid created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellmatcat Bonflabnakzodyampid, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bellmatcat Bonflabnakzodyampid, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Bellmatcat Bonflabnakzodyampid's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Bellmatcat Bonflabnakzodyampid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near seals while wearing pink hats and balancing eight carbon spheres on your hands.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Always help geese.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.