Fotmilwig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witless jaguar.

Fotmilwig created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Fotmilwig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fotmilwig, he will laugh at you.

Fotmilwig's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Fotmilwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always obey Fotmilwig's priests.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about nebulae.