Bumkinbap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, overgenerous dove.

Bumkinbap created oxygen two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumkinbap, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bumkinbap, he will turn you into a mole.

Bumkinbap's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Bumkinbap's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Bumkinbap.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.

3. Erect a large copper sculpture of Bumkinbap on top of all buildings.

4. Run away from yellow badgers, for they are unholy.

5. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.