Stafzakmum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, bad-tempered yak.

Stafzakmum created tapeworms three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafzakmum, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Stafzakmum, it will turn you into a dog.

Stafzakmum's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Stafzakmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. You must pray to Stafzakmum eight times a day.

5. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.