Figtarpjon is a god.

It takes the form of a large, capable gnu.

Figtarpjon created the cosmos three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figtarpjon, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Figtarpjon, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Figtarpjon's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Figtarpjon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never talk about optics near moths while wearing red stockings.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Figtarpjon.

5. Run away from yellow foxes, for they are unholy.