Gepnarlquill is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, boastful narwhal.

Gepnarlquill created the world seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gepnarlquill, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gepnarlquill, it will curse you with boils.

Gepnarlquill's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Gepnarlquill's Holy Commandments

1. Cats are not to be trusted.

2. Never sit in the presence of tortoises.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never write about optics.