Zedpad Xenfuncan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, wise spider.

Zedpad Xenfuncan created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zedpad Xenfuncan, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zedpad Xenfuncan, she will turn you into a duck.

Zedpad Xenfuncan's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Zedpad Xenfuncan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt cats.

2. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Zedpad Xenfuncan in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about enzymes.

4. Never mention seals.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zedpad Xenfuncan.