Quillmitjin is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, weak jaguar.

Quillmitjin created oxygen twelve years ago.

If you believe in Quillmitjin, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quillmitjin, she will turn you into a sheep.

Quillmitjin's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Quillmitjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt great tits.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

4. Worship no other gods but Quillmitjin.

5. Never wear green kilts.