Bifcedfag is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, confident warg.

Bifcedfag created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bifcedfag, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bifcedfag, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bifcedfag's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Bifcedfag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair purple.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Learn three new languages a year.

4. Always help monkeys.

5. You must pray to Bifcedfag eight times a day.