Ontstergup is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, charitable guinea pig.

Ontstergup created the Cigar Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontstergup, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ontstergup, she will throw large rocks at you.

Ontstergup's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Ontstergup's Holy Commandments

1. Put Ontstergup first in all things.

2. Always treat birds with great respect.

3. Never wear gray ear rings.

4. Never think about spacetime.

5. Retreat if six aardvarks approach from the east.