Zenfagpig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, annoying donkey.

Zenfagpig created oxygen four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenfagpig, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Zenfagpig, he will make you grow a tail.

Zenfagpig's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Zenfagpig's Holy Commandments

1. Gulls are not to be trusted.

2. Zenfagpig loves hamsters, so they must be respected.

3. Never think about optics near cats while wearing orange trousers and balancing four nickel spheres on your chest.

4. Never paint your legs fawn.

5. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.