Tofjapmif is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, tranquil parrot.

Tofjapmif created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofjapmif, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tofjapmif, he will be very sad.

Tofjapmif's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Tofjapmif's Holy Commandments

1. Tofjapmif loves eagles, so they must be honoured.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.

5. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.