Motkonnell is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, witty dryad.

Motkonnell created Europe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Motkonnell, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Motkonnell, she will remove you from existence.

Motkonnell's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Motkonnell's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near seals while wearing cyan hats and balancing nine gold spheres on your neck.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing mauve shorts.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not trade with those who eat rice.