Monlargpad is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, amazing camel.

Monlargpad created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Monlargpad, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Monlargpad, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Monlargpad's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Monlargpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never think about spacetime near ants while wearing purple hats and balancing eight iron spheres on your neck.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.