Tapsakpit is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, boastful jellyfish.

Tapsakpit created vertebrates three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tapsakpit, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tapsakpit, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tapsakpit's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Tapsakpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum gravity.

2. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

3. Do not chant in public.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. You must never eat tomatoes.