Nurtkopfom is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, strong monkey.

Nurtkopfom created water four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtkopfom, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurtkopfom, she will send you a sign.

Nurtkopfom's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Nurtkopfom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. You must love Nurtkopfom.

3. Never talk about dark energy.

4. Never feed carrots to frogs while wearing black shirts.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in red.