Bifquartmin is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, staggering spider.

Bifquartmin created a charm quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bifquartmin, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Bifquartmin, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Bifquartmin's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Bifquartmin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help pigs.

2. Do not kill porpoises.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not chop down trees.