Battontunren is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, contented eagle.

Battontunren created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Battontunren, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Battontunren, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Battontunren's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Battontunren's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Battontunren.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Battontunren on top of all buildings.

4. Do not take Battontunren's name in vain.

5. Do not hurt monkeys.