Vonktalkem is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, dishonest fly.

Vonktalkem created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonktalkem, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonktalkem, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Vonktalkem's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Vonktalkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Fast once a month.

3. You must pray to Vonktalkem five times a day.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never paint your back brown.