Hamgodgilkadtafflan is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, quiet tortoise.

Hamgodgilkadtafflan created Europe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamgodgilkadtafflan, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hamgodgilkadtafflan, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Hamgodgilkadtafflan's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Hamgodgilkadtafflan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

2. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never talk about spacetime near monkeys while wearing fawn jumpers.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never think ill of sick dolphins.