Hadkanven is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, pitiless troll.

Hadkanven created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hadkanven, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hadkanven, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hadkanven's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Hadkanven's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sheep.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Erect nine gold sculptures of Hadkanven on top of important buildings.

5. Never think about dark energy near hamsters while wearing blue boots and balancing three titanium spheres on your feet.