Apptignell is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, calm hamster.

Apptignell created the planet Venus eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Apptignell, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Apptignell, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Apptignell's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Apptignell's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Whales are not to be trusted.

4. Never skip in the presence of badgers.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.