Lapnelljig Quafbarnfet is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, thoughtless crow.

Lapnelljig Quafbarnfet created gold nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lapnelljig Quafbarnfet, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lapnelljig Quafbarnfet, he will turn you into a slug.

Lapnelljig Quafbarnfet's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Lapnelljig Quafbarnfet's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Lapnelljig Quafbarnfet three times a day.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always obey Lapnelljig Quafbarnfet's priests.

4. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never talk about fire.