Pibcamtap is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, passionate bear.

Pibcamtap created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pibcamtap, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Pibcamtap, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Pibcamtap's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Pibcamtap's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ultrasonics.

2. Never feed lots of nuts to frogs while wearing pink boots.

3. Pibcamtap must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never feed bread to sheep while wearing dresses.