Quillarndav is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, selfish narwhal.

Quillarndav created the solar system eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quillarndav, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Quillarndav, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Quillarndav's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Quillarndav's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Run away if five squirrels approach from the south.

3. Run away from orange eagles, for they are unholy.

4. Never hurt bats.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.