Panjincabsterjatpidhamgub Tagdambin is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unfair dolphin.

Panjincabsterjatpidhamgub Tagdambin created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Panjincabsterjatpidhamgub Tagdambin, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Panjincabsterjatpidhamgub Tagdambin, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Panjincabsterjatpidhamgub Tagdambin's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Panjincabsterjatpidhamgub Tagdambin's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. You must never eat lentils.

4. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

5. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.