Quafdapcat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental donkey.

Quafdapcat created the planet Mars four million years ago.

If you believe in Quafdapcat, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quafdapcat, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Quafdapcat's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Quafdapcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. You must pray to Quafdapcat six times a day.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.