Gemtonktamkan is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, omniscient squid.

Gemtonktamkan created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemtonktamkan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Gemtonktamkan, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Gemtonktamkan's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Gemtonktamkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear boots.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gemtonktamkan.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not cook food in pots.