Flanomtarm is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, loving gnu.

Flanomtarm created a photon two million years ago.

If you believe in Flanomtarm, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flanomtarm, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Flanomtarm's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Flanomtarm's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about manatees.

2. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.

3. Do not eat figs.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.