Hitfatbitjat Bastspagrill is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, compassionate giraffe.

Hitfatbitjat Bastspagrill created the cosmos six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitfatbitjat Bastspagrill, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hitfatbitjat Bastspagrill, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Hitfatbitjat Bastspagrill's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hitfatbitjat Bastspagrill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in white rooms.

2. Never mention rats.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Hitfatbitjat Bastspagrill must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never wear fawn coats.