Vabflapquam is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, grumpy narwhal.

Vabflapquam created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vabflapquam, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vabflapquam, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Vabflapquam's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Vabflapquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear coats.

2. Feed all hungry porpoises.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.