Flanvenhiv is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish armadillo.

Flanvenhiv created gold five billion years ago.

If you believe in Flanvenhiv, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flanvenhiv, he will be very unhappy.

Flanvenhiv's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Flanvenhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Run away if five eagles approach from the west.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never mention mice.