Lakkarbim is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, prudent bat.

Lakkarbim created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakkarbim, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lakkarbim, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Lakkarbim's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Lakkarbim's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Lakkarbim in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Do not take Lakkarbim's name in vain.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never mention manatees.