Dogcisscud is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unsympathetic tapir.

Dogcisscud created energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dogcisscud, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Dogcisscud, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Dogcisscud's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Dogcisscud's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never talk about planets.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics near monkeys while wearing blue jumpers.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Never go into fawn rooms.