Hapmummad is a god.

He takes the form of a small, irritating beaver.

Hapmummad created life six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapmummad, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hapmummad, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Hapmummad's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Hapmummad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve doves for they are unholy.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. You must love Hapmummad.

4. Never go into black rooms.

5. Do not covet oxen.