Arpsisbat is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, compassionate cow.

Arpsisbat created the Large Magellanic Cloud three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpsisbat, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Arpsisbat, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Arpsisbat's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Arpsisbat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear iron on your body.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Feed all hungry tapirs.

4. Do not kill snails.

5. Do not eat figs.